The Trials and Tribulations of Travelling Paleo #notperfectlypaleo #imperfectlypaleo

I was deluded in believing (read, wanting to believe) that I was holding up my Paleo principles while away for a week on a family holiday.

The truth behind the picture perfect...

In fact, I was positively smug! An omelette with mushrooms and peppers for breakfast with a side of undressed salad leaves, cabbage, some cucumber and a couple slices of tomato every morning. Buffet lunch of undressed salad leaves, artichoke hearts, cabbage, peppers, asparagus, boiled eggs, olives, sardines with freshly grilled fish or chicken. Buffet dinner exactly the same as lunch with the addition of some plain cooked broccoli or cauliflower. And I even managed a daily weights/ cardio session in the small but perfectly adequate hotel gym.

Perfectly Paleo angelic breakfast

Virtuous lunch

Paleo dinner

 Go me! Silent air punch, victory dance and self high fiving! In the infamous words of Chandler from Friends, "Could I be any more annoying?"

Except that wasn't the true picture was it? That was the Instagram me - the virtuous me edited for presention to the outside world. I almost managed to con myself. 

It's not that any of the above was untrue - just that it was only part of the truth and not the whole truth. Which is as good as nothing like the truth at all.

Because aside from all the perfectly Paleo foodstuffs being consumed, I shamefacedly admit that these were not the only foods passing my lips all week. I conveniently chose to selectively not photograph the nightly red wine that accompanied every evening meal, followed by a few sips of some potent digestif in the bar post-dinner. 

And what about the daily (large) plates of fruit eaten as a post-breakfast, post-lunch AND post-dinner dessert?? Yes, seriously. Usually equivalent to nearing TWELVE pieces of fruit a day - gulp. Sure it's not as bad as falling face first into the pastries, ice cream or dessert counter or lying supine under the chocolate fountain with my mouth open but still a whole shed load of sugar unnecesarily and mindlessly consumed.

Thrice daily fruit binge

The fact that the fruit binge started at breakfast no doubt contributed to the continuing theme of carb craving, insulin roller coaster ride through the day and throughout the entire week, exacerbated further by the alcohol. 

And the final nail in my coffin - half a bar of, albeit dark, chocolate after putting the kiddies to bed. After all the fruit and alcohol, is it any wonder my willpower was all but a distant memory left on the runway before takeoff in a different time zone.

The end of day carb chaser... chocolate

Oh, and what about the coffee? At home I generally have one small cup of instant coffee just after lunch. This was upgraded to an entire POT of fresh brew (stronger) coffee every morning (to wash down my fruit plate with an engulfing cortisol tidal wave) and a double espresso after lunch EVERY FRICKING DAY. 

There you have it. The reality behind the happy, healthy facade. I am a disgrace to the Paleo name and deserve to be disowned and banished to the nine hellish circles of non-Primal inferno, no less!

No surprise to find on returning home that my skin looks sallow and spotty, I have the energy of a sloth with flu and the bloat of an overweight seal, an incessant low level headache and muscle ache as well as general lethargy, an upset stomach and, the worst part, hives covering my entire torso and upper arms.

Lifting a few heavy things can't out-exercise a bad diet

Serves me right. But the moral of the story is not that I am a hyprocritical pathological liar who got her comeuppance (some may argue otherwise). Rather that it evidences exactly what deviating from the Paleo lifestyle means. It's not fatal of course and, after almost a week of resuming my normal eating habits and activities, on top of boatloads of bone broth and green nutribullets, I am on the road to repair. Sometimes it takes a reminder and I certainly won't be requiring another one anytime soon.